Wednesday, March 30, 2011


I have a cold on top of my strep (I accidentally wrote "stress" first), but Nate had the day off due to having strep too, and I snuggled with him literally from 9:30 to 3:00 on the couch while we watched movies. It was like a slice of Saturday mid-week. Or a slice of heaven. He is the snuggliest person I have ever met. I feel like I won the lottery. My oxytocin levels have got to be 1000x higher than two years ago just from having his arms around me all the time.

And here is John. A person should always offer a prayer of graciousness for the love that has awakened in them. When you feel love for your beloved and his or her love for you, now and again you should offer the warmth of your love as a blessing for those who are damaged and unloved. Send that love out into the world to people who are desperate; to those who are starving; to those who are trapped in prison; in hospitals and all the brutal terrains of bleak and tormented lives. When you send that love out from the bountifulness of your own love, it reaches other people. This love is the deepest power of prayer.

Monday, March 28, 2011

Here's what I think about atheism. I don't really believe in it. I think that faith is never actually lost. I think it's there in everyone, like that "springtime is the work of winter, all the time" quote. We all have spring in our hearts. Every human throughout time has had it there. Some people were and are forced into a life of winter, some people choose it, but I think the undying spring is ALWAYS there. (I guess I'm a universalist now.)

In some ways, I "lost my faith," but I think I lost it more like someone loses their crutches. I may have lost them before my legs were fully healed, which is a painful experience that might have made life an extra challenge to walk in for awhile. But the more I let the old assumptions and perspectives and Rigid Rules slough off, the more I have grasped ribbons of Life pulling me forward. I think I might experience it so much, I take it for granted, at least when I am with others. You experience it, too. Any slip of appreciated beauty. Any eye contact with a loved one. Any moment savoring an incredible flavor. A lot of my old beliefs and rigidity got in the way of my heart being able to pull the nectar from these things, got in the way of my ability to be present for others.

"Further up and further into" these things is my religion.

I was asked to do an interview about my "journey" on Saturday, and I told a friend that while I'm looking forward to it, I don't really know where I'm at or what I'll say. He wrote back, "Faith isn’t at all meant to be unwavering or steadfast, my dear friend. Indeed its just its precarious vulnerability, coupled with the relentless momentum of so many nihilistic daily persuasions – all conspiring to render us oblivious - which reveal, in those darker moments, just how precious and strong faith can really be. Your writing will surely soar with inspiration from the depths of your uncertainty." How springtime hopeful of him.

(psssst. photo & wisdom by Colin)