Wednesday, April 20, 2011
I have many fears about marriage. About its ability to last and still be, well, fun. Mostly I'm scared about the hard times, because I know nobody is immune to them, and sometimes I worry that I used up all my "hard times" energy on my first marriage, and have nothing left for my future. (I think that's mainly an indicator that I just need to keep drinking deeply from this season of replenishment... drinking, specifically, on the beach in Grenada.)
There aren't a lot of older role models for the kind of marriage you hope you'll have, at least, not that you notice right away.
Enter Jeff Bridges. Married 28 years to a "normal" girl. I just got done reading two interviews with him about it, and I feel all warm and glowy inside. He makes sense. He's not, for instance, BSing to hide being gay (sorry Tom Cruise). He genuinely likes her, and you can see it in the microexpressions and body languages of their photos if you search "Jeff and Susan Bridges" on Google Images.
His most encouraging quote, which I love because it is honest about struggle without making the struggle sound like drudgery: "We've been married over 20 years and your marriage is bound to be tested, and every time it is and you're able to grow from that, then your love becomes bigger. You say, 'Gee, I thought that was the boundary; I thought my love was only that big.' But your love can grow and hold the thing that you thought was going to tear it apart and just make it like another piece of fruit in the bowl."
A great, short but full description of their love story, by him, here.