Monday, June 13, 2011

more gentleness

"I often hear a variation on this statement: 'If I'm not intolerant of my shortcomings, how can I ever expect to change them?' And the answer is, By doing the opposite of what you think you need to do to change. By being kind to yourself.

We seem to believe that if we abuse our minds enough with self-hatred and self-condemnation, somehow that abuse will be a path that liberates us. But generosity coming from self-hatred becomes martyrdom. Morality born of self-hatred becomes rigid repression. Love for others without the foundation of love for ourselves becomes a loss of boundaries, codependency, and a painful and fruitless search for intimacy.

The only way to learn the difference between self-indulgence and self-kindness is to experience firsthand what self-kindness actually feels like. You learn by going slowly, gently."