Saturday, July 9, 2011

forward-thinking


Was browsing old blog posts and came across this from two years ago:

>>Two years from now, things will look a lot different. I might be remarried. No matter what, I will be far more alive and engaging than I am now, because I doubt I will still be taking anti-depressants, and I will have spent 3 years laughing to compensate for the 8 years of largely not. I won't be dealing with any more diapers. I will have 4 self-sufficient, delightful human beings on my hands, ages 4, 5, 8, 9. They will be cleaner. They will be eating better food. They will each have a tight relationship with me. They will be doing homework regularly, they will be independent and strong and self-disciplined. I have all faith in the resurrectional return of all good things, *in time*.<<

1. I am not remarried, and we have no plans of this happening anytime soon. It feels so gloriously wonderful to be free of those pressures. I need the freedom of not being married for a long stinking time. This is a key element of my healing.

2. I *am* more alive and engaging; I traveled to Spain and took a comedy workshop at Second City in Chicago, and I don't feel major social anxiety anymore.

3. I have spent a lot of time laughing, especially because of my 1-2/3 years with Nate.

4. I am no longer taking anti-depressants, but I do take prescription vitamin D, and plan to for the rest of my life (once a week pill, I have incredibly wonderful dreams for the two nights after I take it, because my body converts it straight into seratonin).

5. EDEN IS INDEED POTTY TRAINED!

6. My four delightful human beings are maybe a little cleaner, eating better food a little bit at a time, and our one on one relationships are definitely improving, although I need even more time, energy, and resources for that still.

* * *

I totally believe in that whole "as you think, so shall it be" stuff - mostly because it gives your soul/brain a vision of what to start working towards. This isn't hocus pocus, I did all of this myself (and with friends, and probably, yeah, God).

Two years from now: I will have a 6, 7, 10, and 11 year old. It will be more of the same awesomeness we are entering into, golden years of childhood hilarity and communication. I bet I will have written and published a book, and I might go around speaking about it. I will continue to travel. I hope to be doing better financially than I am now, both in terms of income that I generate and how I am able to use it. I will be just finishing up my bachelor's degree, probably. I hope to have acted in a Nashville play by that point, maybe even some Shakespeare. Maybe I'll be engaged. Or maybe I'll never be married again. (Still kinda a great freeing thought, which I know Oprah would understand if I ever got to have a conversation with her.) I will feel like the rich, full years of 30 through 32 will have more than made up for the struggles between 20 & 30.

Ooh, I'm excited!!!! Onward, my dears!!!