Friday, July 15, 2011

Motherhood, Cinderella, & HP7

I know sometimes I just get on here and bitch, and it's not phenomenal writing, and it's nothing I would publish, it's just catharsis. But that's what you get for reading the rough-draftness and, yes, self-centered nature of a blog. I feel things strongly, all feelings, which sometimes makes for good interesting stories, and sometimes makes for me ranting all over the screen.

I HATE DOING ERRANDS. I hate running all over Nashville with a million mini-deadlines. I hate the traffic and the old people driving so slow (im so meaaaan) and the out-the-parking-lot, doubled ChickFilA drive-thru line (H E L L O people - park the car, walk inside! You will get your food 15 minutes faster! NOBODY THINKS OUTSIDE THE LINES. We are such herd animals!) I hate the tedious mundanity of so much of adult life and household management. It's like purgatory on earth. It sucks the magic and meaning right out of you.

I was late to my daughters' ballet performance, and I walked in to them dancing to the Disney Cinderella soundtrack right where Cinderella is bitching, too.

"Oh, that clock!
Old killjoy.
I hear you.
'Come on, get up,' you say,
'Time to start another day.'
Even he orders me around.
Well, there's one thing.
They can't order me to stop dreaming."

Yesterday was more tedious mundanity and insanity down to the minute Nate arrived to whisk me away for midnight Harry Potter. I knew our friends would be dressed in some awesome costumes --(and they were:
)--and I did not want to go feeling so sweaty and gross, in the same dress I'd been wearing for two days. So with ten minutes to spare, I showered without washing my hair, threw on some lipstick, and put on a dark red tank top and gold fingerless gloves I knitted last year to at least show some Gryffindor team spirit.

I will fight to retain my imagination. I WILL. They can't order me to stop dreaming.

Harry Potter made me weep. I think I cried and had chills during half the movie. It was the opposite of the tedious mundanity - it was REAL, it was struggle and triumph and pain and love. It was the reflection of everything that is best about mothering, from Lily's love of Harry to Mrs. Weasley's Moment, and that felt good after all the intensity.

It was helpful to watch at the end of my NYT week, too. We all end up Harry at different points in our lives, and this was one of mine. It's heavy to be at the center. Power and attention and battles ensue. I was mostly crying watching the love between all the characters, though - how none of them could do it without any of the others, how so many of them were trustworthy and on the side of goodness. The visual of everyone's powers going up over Hogwarts to create a strong shield of love did my heart deep good. I know what that feels like.