Thursday, July 21, 2011


Ugh. I've been playing around with "writing the book." Holy resistance attack!! Writing a blog is fun because you don't have to pull everything together. It's like chatting with a girlfriend, "Here's what's happening, here's what I'm thinking about, ooh check out this good quote."

A book is, A B O O K. It has to be organized and synthesized. You have to have your voice right. Elizabeth Gilbert chucked her whole first draft of her second book, and I totally get how she could write a complete work in a voice she doesn't like. Getting to the real, core self is a challenge! Again, not on here, for some reason, but when I'm staring at a blank Word document, yes.

What is my thesis? What is my main point? What angle? A memoir? I could go part theological/spirituality. There's probably no way around that, what with all the fundamentalist poison I want to help everyone detox from. My heart is in that. Yeah. I guess that's my center - something to help other post-fundamentalists, so they know they aren't alone in what they're thinking and feeling. That's what everybody responded to most in my NYT article and comments on here.

It's toooo haaarrrddd. Wahhhh. Whiiiinnneee. I need an editor. I need reflection, coaching, "More of this! Yes! Here's some structure for you! Use that, that's good." etc.

I don't want to be the opposite & yet same of what I was before. I don't want to be the new poster-child for "Don't do what I did." People will do what they want to do, and I can't control that. I don't like apologetics all that much. If speaking the truth will piss someone off, okay, but I don't like combat for the sake of combat. I'm not trying to start a new tribe, I don't want to be claimed. I want to help with emotions, clarity, story-weaving, hope, light. That's it.