Friday, August 12, 2011

unsure-ity

The comma is broken on my keyboard and let me tell you that's a pain in the arse. (See where it should have been? Just NOT THERE.)

While falling asleep last night I thought about confidence - the lack of it and the getting back of it. I don't know if I'll be struggling with it forever
, because that does seem to be a human condition (that comma is what happens when I press control+v because I am smart and I can circumvent computer errors). There's a lot of literature about "it has to come from inside you" blah blah blah, but I think there are just ebbs and flows, and it *is* largely dependent on life circumstances. You aren't going to have it while you're in a toxic relationship. Doesn't matter how strong you are or how hard you try to find yourself and center with God.

You are going to have it when your projects are working
, your kids seem happy and open, your house doesn't feel like a total sty. Getting there is a bugger of a process, though. And during that process you probably won't feel strong or confident, and that's when you stay close to sheltering moments of beauty, silence; stay close to sheltering friends. You may be so sensitive and vulnerable that you have to just stay close to your home and not even see friends. That's the hardest part for other people to understand, but it happens.