What am I doing here? Where do I belong? What is the point of the continued waiting and struggling in my life? I'm 31 years old and have no clear archetype outside of Mother. I live paycheck to paycheck. I've learned how to listen, but I feel no clear pulls in any direction other than to keep on with where I'm at and the ordinary of my life. That's okay on some days, and then on others I feel like I'm spinning my wheels.
In class yesterday we were reading about shamans and their initiations. Shamans generally have shittier lives and struggle more than the average person. If I could sense the fruits of my struggle, if there was an actual position of Shaman for me to become, that might help, but as it is I feel rootless, unseen, behind, and overwhelmed.