Saturday, December 15, 2012

here we go

I apologize in advance if I get weirder and weirder on here.

First, reading Eben Alexander's book solidly convinced me that I don't have to doubt my more "woo woo" experiences or thoughts as much as I think I do. I am so grateful for that. I had a profoundly healing dream in which he was nurturing and mentoring me with great love, and also leaned against me for a long time for comfort. I can't express how helpful that book is. Y'all need to read the whole thing. It's a spiritual tour de force for humanity's future. I'm so delighted that modern mystics exist in addition to the classics. (Jenny and Megan, I'm talking about you, too.) Actually, I think mysticism is the destiny of every person, and there will be more and more practical ones as the world connects through technological advances - regardless of what label you give yourself, including agnostic or atheist.

So, Woo Woo stories. I've got them. I've had "energy work" done by a manipulative masseuse before, and I've had it done by a good and safe one. One has to be careful with this stuff; there are bad healers out there who take advantage of our need for spiritual nurturing. But anyway. Chakras are a name for the ancient Hindu system of energy fields in the body. Many people think they are baloney. I was agnostic about it, despite my experience of feeling movement and heat in my body during different chakra-healing sessions with my safe friend Linda. Then I watched "The Quantum Activist" on Netflix, about renowned physicist Amit Goswami, who had a little section where he started talking about chakras and "subtle energies" in the body. Then I read a near death experience account from the 50s or 60s in which a person described their soul re-entering their body through an area above their head. They had never heard of chakras, but a decade later when they read about them (and specifically the crown chakra, which is supposedly just above the top of your head, like where halos appear in icons) they went Aha!

The last time I was having chakra work (reiki) done, I saw an image of a rainbow parachute floating up in the sky, and heard the words "I am Bethany Patchin on Seven Wings." Woo woo apology: this was not THE BOOMING VOICE OF GOD. There weren't even any spine-tingles involved like there are when I hear amazing music or someone tells me a certain kind of story. I just felt peaceful, and was like, Huh. 

I knew what the rainbow parachute meant to me. I had just watched a video of a paratrooper veteranjumping with a white parachute to the ground, connected to a story of his profound injuries after hundreds of jumps that led to chronic weight gain and made running and even walking without crutches impossible. Through months of painful, slow, diligent yoga work, the man lost a hundred pounds and can now run and do handstands like a child.

My first marriage felt like a battle that resulted in so many soul injuries, my heart has a hard time running or even walking sometimes. It can feel like my soul is carrying 400 extra pounds of fear. When I thought about the rainbow parachute after that reiki session, the message it meant to me was The thing that broke me will be the thing that heals me. I don't need to be afraid of marriage to this good man in my life or my second round of motherhood; it's the path to my wholeness.

A few days later, I saw a little charm in the Lucky Brand catalog of a rainbow parachute, and smiled. This was about six months ago now. Two days ago, I took an accidental wrong turn on the way to my house and felt like There's something for me to see on this road. To my left on a porch was a whirling rainbow hot-air-balloon/parachute windcatcher. Because the fear is still strong within me more days than not, it felt like a little reminder, and a hug. 

Today, I got the I Ching in the mail. It is a big book, like a Bible, and fairly esoteric. I read through the somewhat boring introduction, then got to this sentence: "The problem of arrangement pertains particularly to the text of certain of the Ten Wings." Ten Wings. I remembered I'm Bethany Patchin on Seven Wings.  

The "seventh wing" of the book is apparently found in Book Three, parts 1 and 2, titled "The Creative" and "The Receptive." You can bet your butt I am really, really intrigued about what those 20 pages are going to tell me about spiritual growth, where I'm at, and what I need to learn.

But first, I need to go make some gingerbread cookies for my babies.